Is the fear of what others think holding you back? Or are you so afraid of failing that you never even start? In the past I struggled with letting my fear of what people think control my life. Continually working on letting go of this fear and taking back control of my life has been a huge goal of mine this past year!
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This week I’m opening up about my own struggles with fear, and sharing 5 steps that have helped me overcome it.
Breaking through the fear of what other people think is something I’ve been working on all of 2019. Though I’ve recently started implementing steps to overcome it, this is something I’ve dealt with all throughout my life and I know I’m not alone in this!! How many times have you said yes to something you didn’t really want to do in order to please someone? Or lied and said you liked something even though you didn’t in order to fit in.
Some of my life examples of when I let fear control my life:
- Pretending to like rap in middle school because that was the cool thing
- Running days — running poorly all senior year because of the pressure of “what people thought or would think if I didn’t do well” actually debilitating me
- Almost going to a different school based on having the capability as a student athlete — even though UF was where I wanted to go
- Not selecting a nutrition major first because of fearing people would think it wasn’t healthy of me to do after struggling with an eating disorder myself
- Fear of walking way from the Univ of FL XC team because of people thinking I was stupid for giving something so great up
- Pretending to like beer in college. Also that I liked being at parties when all I really craved was wine nights in my pjs with the girls
- Creating a separate IG account way back to not “annoy” my friends or feel too self righteous when posting too much
- Not telling anyone about said IG account
- Pretending to be extroverted when I was draining myself internally
- Being awkward in situations where politics or religion comes up and not saying what I believe in because of not wanting to offend others
- Being so scared to pursue my passion of starting my own business because of what others would think.. And feeling self conscious of starting to post about it because of thinking people would get annoyed by my frequency.
- Feeling terrified to celebrate my own accomplishments in fear of others thinking I was cocky.. So just downplaying them all.
These are all things that are rooted in being afraid of what people think. The fear of what other people think of us is like a cage. Over time you become so used to being inside that cage you eventually come to forget what the outside might be like. You resign yourself to living within its walls. But life outside the cage? It’s pretty darn awesome. So let’s chat through this fear and how to overcome it.
10 Signs this is something you need to breakthrough:
- You fail to say what you really think. You muzzle yourself. When fear is operating you, you’ll avoid speaking up.
- You become a social chameleon & hide your true identity. Changing your tune — and appearance, and values or beliefs, and favorite band, and political party based on who you’re with.
- You lie or withhold the truth. Stretch the truth, withhold the truth, or flat-out lie. Or you also say yes when you mean no — a fear-based, people-pleasing, self-sacrificing behavior that only leads to resentment later on.
- You apologize for everything you like. Apologizing for liking what you truly like, or saying you like something they like even when you don’t… That’s just fear in a Little Monster disguise. For example, Julia Roberts in the movie Runaway Bride, where she doesn’t know how she likes her eggs for breakfast because she’s been copying every man she dates.
- You avoid social situations. I’m an introvert, I get it.. But even the most extroverted will avoid social situations and true community — with the fear of rejection that comes with worrying that others won’t like us when we’re being ourselves.
- You settle or become paralyzed. When fear runs the show, you forget how to dream and how to run after or wait for what you really deserve. You compromise in the name of being “realistic.” or out of finding the first person/job/life path that is “safe”.. Because going after what you really deserve could result in being rejected — aka having a fear of what people think of your true self. But settling isn’t realism; it’s a devastating symptom of the fear that what you hope is possible really isn’t.
- You’re constantly wondering what the other person is thinking. You’re never actually fully present because you’re too busy spending every moment what others are thinking about you or if they like you. Eliminating this constant preoccupation allows you to do something called “now-walking” — staying in present time, free from fear, navigating only what presents itself right here, right now.
- Perfectionism is something you chase. You find yourself striving for an impossible-to-achieve standard of perfection. Then you may struggle with the fear of what other people think of you. Perfectionism stems from fear — fear of rejection, fear of not being enough, fear of abandonment.
- You dim your light ++ mask your sparkle. Think of all the times you’ve had great news to share. You want to shout it from the rooftops! But you don’t, because you’re afraid it’ll sound like bragging. Or you’re worried someone else will judge you. Or you’re concerned that you’ll make someone else jealous. So you turn down the dial on your sparkle. But when you do, you rob us all of the gift of your light. And Lord knows, we can use a little more light in the world — the light of the real YOU. You will actually give everyone around you permission to be themselves when you don’t hold back.
- You get sick. Fear isn’t just an uncomfortable emotion that holds you back from following your dreams. It also triggers stress responses in the body that put you at risk of disease and make it hard for the body to heal itself. Fearful people are more likely to get heart attacks, cancer, diabetes, autoimmune diseases, inflammatory disorders, chronic pain and even the common cold. They’re also more likely to experience milder symptoms, such as insomnia, low energy, obesity, dizziness, headaches, backaches, decreased libido and gastrointestinal distress. I know personally as soon as I get stressed, or fearful that my stomach is all out of whack. Our GI systems are linked to our emotional state!
Do any of these resonate with you? If you relate to any of these and are ready to stop living in a state of fear I have 5 steps for you which I use to battle daily to battle fear! It’s not a quick fix; everyday is different, and some days are better than others. But these steps are a great way to start taking back control of your life!!
“It’s not uncommon to spend your whole life waiting to start living.”
The greatest prison that we can live in is the fear of what people think. And guess what that’s not truly living life. Let whoever think whatever!! What other people think means absolutely nothing. Your character is what you should be working on, not your reputation. Your character is who you are, your reputation is who others think you are.
5 Steps to OVERCOMING THIS FEAR
- What you think they think isn’t the reality. Question the beliefs and thoughts dictating your life right now. Every time you have a fearful thought, question it. If you catch yourself living in a fear whether it’s what people think or a fear of failure.. Do this and challenge the fear. Question the beliefs and thoughts dictating your life.
- Start acting against what you feel like doing. It’s all about taking small steps. For example, challenge yourself to never say yes if you want to say no one week. Challenge yourself to pursue that business venture that you haven’t because of fear of what your friends and family would say. Celebrate an accomplishment proudly out loud.. Going against the fear of coming off self righteous. What small step can you take this week to start acting against the fear of what people think?
- Pray and meditate on truth to find full freedom from this debilitating fear. Every morning, try this simple practice: journal the “fears/anxieties you’re laying down and letting go”. Then pray through them. Find truth that battles against them. You can’t just push negative things like fear out. You have to push them out with the positives & truth. I notice a huge difference in my day when I do this vs don’t do this! First I read through God’s truth, then I journalling through what I am laying down. What has been holding me back from living my best life, and has been feeling heavy on my heart that I need to let go of. Next I write down some truths from God’s word, or just truths that I know to be true.
- Remember that even if you DO try to please everyone, a large percentage will STILL not like you… so why die pursuing it?? Hurt people do hurt people. Even if you do your best to be kind and considerate, you may still be judged negatively by others. This is not a reflection of your failings; rather, it is a reflection on where others are coming from. People often behave in the only way they know. It’s important to remember this so you don’t take it to heart. Recognizing this can help you become a little more compassionate towards others, and thereby, lower your worry about what others think of you. You wouldn’t care as much about what they think if you realized how little they actually thought of you.
- Find a community or mentor that can help you break through this fear so you can shine your light BRIGHT. It’s REALLY hard to make this kind of radical transformation alone!
- If you’re seeking out a healthy life that doesn’t include fears of what others think — come over to www.freshfitnhealthy.com/nutrition for ways to join a community or have me mentor you 1-1.
- And if you’re a health professional seeking to go against the fear and follow out your passion of taking your expertise online — head to www.freshfitnhealthy.com/business to learn how to do just that by signing up for my free masterclass that will empower you to reach your biggest dreams.
“Remember, the key to happiness is living your life unattached from the approval of others.”
My tangible challenge to YOU:
- Make a list of EVERYTHING you’re proud of/have accomplished ++ what you really believe in // want to pursue on paper.. Really! Do it!
- Tell the world about something you’ve been holding in that you wrote on that list — whether a belief or an accomplishment or a new venture… that you’ve been afraid to do because of “fear of what they’d think”. Or even just start small by challenging yourself this week to not say something you truly don’t think/feel/like.. In the name of what others may think. SHINE YOUR LIGHT ++ Don’t mask your sparkle.
I’ll start since I’m KNOWN to let this very fear hold me back. I launched a NEW COURSE yesterday, for all my health professionals wanting to take their expertise online — THE RD UNIVERSITY. This has been a DREAM of mine since 2018… and I finally did it! If this is something that interests you… come on over to the RD University page! to see what it’s all about!!
