Wow. After 9 months of hoping and praying I’d be able to excitedly share my story, here we are. I hope my positive home birth story inspires all women out there that our bodies were MADE for this, even if you’re a first time mom!
home birth video
Home birth podcast + Q&A with husband
PS:
Miss 1st trimester recap?! Click here!
See my 2nd Trimester Favorites and Recap Here
See How I Prepared for Labor in my 3rd Tri HERE
See My Birth Plan and Birth Prep List HERE
See My Less Toxic Registry HERE
See my Less Toxic Baby Boy Nursery HERE
UPDATE: See my 2nd birth story – a waterbirth, HERE
PS: if you want to rebalance your hormones postpartum with the simple system I did and thousands of others have used, come join us inside Hormone Healing Academy!
In this episode of Real SOULutions:
02:30 – My home birth experience
06:30 – The difficult moments in my pregnancy
09:20 – Some of my prep work before labour
13:05 – The start of the labour
24:55 – The birthing pool incident
28:00 – The pushing time
29:35 – The actual birth
34:50 – The benefits of olive oil massage
36:30 – What is stay active management?
36:55 – My post birth story
42:00 – Start of podcast with Brandon – what prepwork/ research did Brandon do?
42:40 – What changed Brandon’s mind about homebirth? What did he think post-homebirth
44:35 – What was Brandon’s biggest fear about homebirth?
47:30 – Brandon’s thoughts while I was giving birth and the most surprising part for him
50:30 – When did Brandon go back to work?
52:30 – Ask your midwife a lot of questions
56:30 – Writing sparknotes for things you need to say
01:00:30 – Brandon’s most favorite part of fatherhood so far
Full Written Home Birth Story
Wow, where do I even start?
One of the most common questions I get is: Would you do it again like this? Would you do another unmedicated home birth?
And as I look back, I truly wouldn’t have done it any different. It was the biggest challenge of my life, and I knew as a first time mom, this labor would be the longest and hardest of any after. But see, I felt like every positive story I read was mostly from experienced moms where this was their 2nd+ child. And I wanted to show mamas that just because it’s your first, doesn’t mean you have to do it certain ways. I wanted to be an example that it didn’t have to take a bad experience to get a good one. That if doing this unmedicated was a goal, you COULD do it even as a first time mom. And if being at home was where you felt most comfortable — you COULD do that, even your first time. That as women, we are BUILT for this, even when it gets hard, we CAN have the birth we want — even though it’s our first time! It was the biggest challenge of my life (yes, even as a past D1 athlete!), yet it was also the most beautiful, rewarding experience — and I wouldn’t have changed a thing about it if I could go back in time.
Okay… now for the real home birth story!
Brady Elias Meckelberg officially joined us in this world on April 8th, at 40w4d pregnant. But let me start by going back to week 37 & 38 of pregnancy. See, as a first time mom, I was thrown off by having what I assumed were some real contractions some nights that woke me up. They weren’t my typical Braxton Hicks ones I had been having since the 2nd trimester. And they made me feel crampy and came with back pain. I was thinking, “wow! Maybe he’s coming early!” It also confused me to have these “false alarms”, wondering if I’d ever know when the real thing was starting.
But week 39 came, those “signs” stopped altogether, and no labor came. I’d be lying if I didn’t say I was a little discouraged, but I was still hoping those “false alarms” had done some prep work, along with everything I was doing (the RRL tea, dates, evening primrose oil, etc — see this post for all I was doing to prep!). I also knew deep down the average date for FTM was 40w5d, and I needed to keep the right perspective and let baby come when he was ready!
On Tuesday, April 5th, at 40w1d, I went to my midwives and just got a quick cervix check because I was just genuinely interested if those “false alarms” had done any prep work! I was about 50% effaced but already 3cm dilated too! Which doesn’t say much if you’ve had a baby before, but for a first time mom (FTM), apparently that’s really good to see your body already working before labor begins! So I was encouraged that all I had done to “prep my body” plus the false alarms that kept me up at night — weren’t in vain.
On Thursday, April 7th, at 40w3d, I woke up to a little blood (the “bloody show”), saw my chiropractor, went to my midwife’s house to get a gentle membrane sweep. I know there’s mixed opinions on this, but after looking into it I really didn’t feel it went against the “natural process” anymore than all the at home things like walking and sex and evening primrose oil did. What do I mean? Just like sex can “stir things up” and the semen has prostaglandins that soften the cervix — the same goes for a membrane sweep. It stirs things up and releases prostaglandins — which ONLY if your body is ready, will spur on labor. With already seeing my body was getting ready with being dilated, I felt this would only spur things on if ready, and if not, well, nothing would come of it! Before that, I ended up getting a non-stress test too because I had mentioned that baby hadn’t been moving as much as the days before in a side conversation, and it made her want to check (everything checked out great!). She also checked and I had already dilated another .5-1cm within just the last 2 days. She said to go home & just try to relax. That was all before 1pm. I went to get my nails done one last time, went to a late lunch with the hubby around 3pm, and then went home with plans to take a nap.
Well, as I was driving home, I started to feel some waves of cramping. Not just “felt crampy” like before, but distinct waves. I wondered, hmm… this seems to have a distinct start and stop, and I had about 3 within my 15 min drive home (which was different from my false alarms where I’d get waves maybe once an hour). Once I got home and use an app to track them, I realized they were coming every 5-6 min, and I told B, “this may actually be the real thing!”. It was 5pm by this time and I decided to try to nap like they say to in early labor. Except the waves of cramping & back pain, aka what I now know were real contractions, got pretty uncomfy when laying down, so I decided to just skip the nap and bounce on my exercise ball.
Contractions continued to come every 5 min consistently for over an hour (app was telling me to get to hospital haha), so I updated my midwife, texted my experienced homebirth friend who was going to help me throughout the labor, and then just got in a warm bath with a big glass of ningxia juice and ice water, to try to relax and hydrate. I realized this may be an long night.
Once I was getting out of the bath, my friend (Alexa) had arrived already just to check on me and then possibly go back home. Brandon had blown the birth pool up while I was in the bath (but we didn’t fill it yet). I had my playlist going — worship music + Christian hypnobirthing tracks. Lights dim. Diffuser going. My friend began praying over me (and continued to do so the entire labor off and on). I really just felt God’s presence in my bedroom this entire time🥺🙏🏻 I have no comparison to it (vs hospital) with this being my first, but the peace I felt was so unreal. And throughout the entire labor that peace never left. I never felt fear.
It was about 6/630pm by now. Some contractions were coming as quickly as 90 sec-3min apart, some were still around 5-7min. My midwife had said not to count contractions and to try to keep my mind off it — but it weirdly helped me to track them — knowing they WOULD stop and that I could do anything for 30-60 seconds. At this point I told my husband, B, to begin updating the midwife so I could just focus on the other things. But the contractions were getting stronger for sure, and the lower back pain was getting real. Thankfully my friend Alexa knew how to do the counter pressure and it took the pressure of contractions down about 80%!🤯🙌🏻 I remember her showing B how to do it, but one of the times he missed the right spot and those contractions felt so much more intense, that I just brushed his hands of and shook my head no with no words 😅 but truly… the whole time he really did such a good job trying to support me in any way he could, from singing to me, to holding me up when I felt I couldn’t go on, to every word of encouragement. It meant everything to me.
By 11pm, Brandon called the midwife and said she could probably come at this point, as he could tell things were picking up for me as I began to get vocal through contractions at this point, trying to keep low tones when breathing out. By this time I was a little zoned out/in my own zone, so I don’t remember all the details of her arriving, but it around 11:30 or so since she only lived 8 min down the road from me. I didn’t hear her, but when she saw my status she told my husband and friend that the birth would probably be around 4-6am. Glad I didn’t hear at the time because any thought of this going on that much longer would have made me want to call it quits 😂 but as you’ll see later on, she was spot on! Lesson of the year is to listen to your experienced midwife. She ended up being right about everything from when I’d probably go into labor to length of labor and so much more🙌🏻
It was about 1.5hrs of contractions with her being here, trying different things like sitting on the toilet, the ball, leaning over bed… when she could tell I was getting exhausted, and they began slowing down. She encouraged me to try to lay down in bed and try to get a little sleep between contractions, so that I could power through when it was needed later. I felt a little discouraged that they were slowing down, and didn’t want to admit that this was probably going to be a long night and not be over soon; but I knew she knew what she was talking about so I tried to get in bed.
It was somewhere around 1am now. I tried to stay in bed for 3 contractions, but MAN, the pressure was SO much worse when laying down and there was no way it was restful to be there. So since the tub was now filled up, I decided I’d try to get in there for the first time, rest as much as I could on the side, and hope the relaxing water wouldn’t continue to slow things down as some had said did for them.
As soon as I got in I knew it was the right choice, because I instantly felt more relaxed and comfortable through the contractions🙏🏻🙌🏻. Brandon even pulled his guitar out and played/sung a couple songs to try to help me relax. After a little relaxing and taking the contractions wave by wave, thankfully (I guess that’s the right word 😅) contractions began to intensify again. And I started to really get vocal through them. I remember “losing my cool” in a few and almost hyperventilating/breathing super shallow — and had to snap myself out of it and get back to the low, deep tones and breathing I knew would help me so much more (thanks videos for reminding me of this 😅). Since they were speeding up and intensifying, I had a feeling I MUST be close to 10cm. It was about 2/3:30am at this time… and up until this point I hadn’t had the midwife check me because I knew deep down if it wasn’t as far as I had hoped, it would only discourage me. But she made a comment to me after a contraction, “do you feel pushy? it may be time for you to try to push through some of these, it almost seems like you’re holding back a little”. By now I was ready to know, and just PRAYED to Jesus that I was fully dilated because I didn’t know how much more of this I could take and needed some encouraging news.
She checked me while in the pool between contractions, and I was 10cm🙌🏻 Also almost immediately after my water broke too — which honestly, both of those things together gave me a second wind of hope and energy, knowing I couldn’t be too far from the end. Also after my water broke, I felt like I could FEEL the baby moving down, which was promising since before I felt nothing but the pressure of contractions even though I felt I must be close to full dilation if not already there.
So at the 2:30ish time frame, I decided it was time to try this whole “pushing phase”. But not like how they say in the hospitals. Ya know, “ok hold your breath and PUSHHH!”. It was more so controlling my breathing during contractions, and letting the exhale push all the way down to my pelvic floor. Focused exhale. But I realized in this moment I probably should have practiced this part a little more. I had done everything to prepare BEFORE labor and during contractions… but not really the whole pushing side.
I alternated between “pushing” by breathing down the baby without being vocal, and with being vocal. I said I should have practiced this more above, because I couldn’t really tell what was “working” or if anything I was doing was actually making progress. All I knew was that with “pushing” each contraction, trying to move this baby down, turned the “pressure” to actual pain, and I didn’t know how much of this I could take. It’s hard when you know you’re the one chasing the discomfort by pushing, yet it’s the only way to go. I was hoping I only had a handful of these type of contractions before baby came (spoiler, it was about 1.5hrs of this, but glad I didn’t know that then hah).
After some contractions of trying this, I realized either it just wasnt really working for me or I wasn’t doing the whole “breathing baby down” right😅 i really wanted a story of, “ I just breathed my baby down!” Or “I only pushed 3x!” Or best yet, “i didn’t push at all, I had the fetal ejection reflex!”.
But that just wasn’t the case for me and I realized maaaaybe I should have looked more into the pushing side of things because at this point after my breathing didn’t work? I felt a little lost and just confused what to do or what WOULD get this baby out.
I began trying what I felt was “pushing” but just in a more gentle way then “hold your breath and push!!”. I would take a deep breath in, and then on the exhales, focus myself entire breath down to pelvic floor while also actively pushing along with the exhale. Im not going to lie, I was convinced without being able to just breathe baby out, I was definitely going to rip everything doing it this way. I also tried about every position in the birthing pool. Hands and knees, runners pose, laying back… nothing seemed to be working to get this baby down. And I remember just saying out loud in frustration, “I don’t feel any baby, just a feeling like I need to 💩!”😂
It was about 3:45am, I was exhausted, I was feeling discouraged because after about an hour of this “pushing” in the birthing tub, I just didn’t feel it was progressing anything.
It was between 230am and baby coming that I definitely made irrational comments like, “I now know why people get epidurals!!”, “this baby is never coming out! He’s staying in there forever!”, and “I want to quit, I can’t do this anymore!”. my midwife said that’s how she knew I was close because it always happens 😂
I also just started saying “JESUS!!” throughout the contraction because I knew I didn’t have the strength on my own. To be honest this last hour, I had never felt more discouraged or like a failure before. I genuinely had made up in my mind there was no way I could get this baby out. Thankfully I had the best support team to remind me I COULD.
That’s when the second midwife suggested I get out of the birthing pool. She knew I loved the idea of the birthing pool, but also saw the discouragement in my eyes and that it was time to try something new. She said maybe I just couldn’t get stable enough in the pool to bear down like I needed to. She did end up knowing what was best even though in the moment, getting out made me feel like I had “failed” since I couldn’t get him to come out in the birth pool. She also kept reminding me I had an incredibly strong pelvic floor and needed to try to relax as much as possible. It’s a weird feeling to try to actively push AND relax at the same time. But I knew that’s what I needed to figure out!
A small part of me really wanted a water birth, but so much more of me was just DONE and wanted this baby out. So, around 3:50am or so I got out and she told me to get on the birthing stool, even though I thought the only way I’d be able to “relax” was in the warm water. But again, midwife was right 😅 Brandon sat behind me to hold me/let me lay back just a little. I “pushed” this way for a handful of contractions, and I can genuinely say even though I was trying to stay positive, I didn’t know how much more of this I could take. Up until the pushing phase, I could call the contractions “pressure”, not pain. But this phase got real. And I wanted to give in with every part of me.
Through a handful of contractions this way, the midwife used olive oil to massage the perineal area while I pushed, trying to help stretch things out gradually/give lubrication for baby to come out. Man am I thankful for this even though at the time I felt so out of it and the ring of fire type pain was real. Around 4am-ish, his head appeared! And stayed out/didn’t go back in between contractions. Feeling his head gave me hope, even though I didn’t know how much longer this would go on. Every contraction from there on out made his head pop out justtttt a littttttle more, but didn’t fully come out. We thought for sure baby boy would have a cone head after this longer pushing phase😅
Then I heard the magical words from my midwife, “next push she probably has this, he’ll be out”, and I was instantly renewed. I could do this one more time.
I gave one last strong push when the contraction came, and baby boy FINALLY came out!!!😭💙
His head also came out with his arm up by it. And it was in that moment my midwife let me know it was THAT arm that was stopping me for so long, not his actual head — because his head had no coning/shaping at all! Baby boy — already giving mama extra challenges 😅 funny part about this is every ultrasound he also had his hand by his face, and thought it was so cute. Nope, not cute anymore in this moment haha! He also had ZERO vernix on him, which means he was welllll baked and more than ready to come out! Baby boy just being stubborn in there 🙂
Immediately Brady let out a loud cry and my heart was so relieved. He was instantly handed up to me to get skin to skin. I was partially out of it, partially just so happy and emotional that I HAD DONE IT AND I HAD MY BABY BOY IN MY ARMS! As I looked down at my baby boy with great color and already crying — I felt SO relieved. So many fears of things going wrong my whole pregnancy, now silenced. He was here. And he was healthy🥺🙏🏻
Within just a short few minutes, my midwife said, “I think the placenta is coming, can you push through this contraction?”. The last thing I wanted to do was push again haha, but it honestly was nothing compared to the baby, it kind of just slid out! This was a HUGE answer to prayer of it coming so early (which can decrease blood loss), because it tends to run in my family to bleed too much during birth. But an hour after birth, I ended up doing 3rd stage active management, by getting a shot of pitocin. I hadn’t lost too much blood and my blood pressure/heart rate was normal, but they said I did lose a little more than average. So before they left the house I had them give it to me just to be on the safe side. I will say what is “normal bleeding” surprised me! They had me get up and go to the bathroom with them for the first time before they left — and it was just streaming out of me into the toilet. I looked up with fear, is this normal?! Thankfully my midwife reassured me it was, as she proceeded to do the fundal massage with ended up stopping the stream of blood.
ANYWAYS… back tracking a little bit again to the minutes after birth…
As we were getting in our golden hour skin to skin, my midwife had me lay on the ground because I had a very slight tear, so even though she said it may be fine without a stitch, since I’m usually so active she’d put it in. She also said she’s pretty confident I wouldn’t have torn at all had it not been for the arm up there at his head 😅 It’s funny how “tearing” was my biggest fear leading up to labor, yet seemed like the smallest thing in the moment.
After she finished that up quickly, the cord had stopped pulsing, and Brandon got to cut the cord. The midwives got us into bed to sleep, helped me establish breastfeeding, talked us through a few things after cleaning everything up for us, and then headed out 2 hrs after around 6am. Before they left they wanted to get the weight, so they let B hold it up towards me so I could be the first to see. We all took guesses, and when the experienced midwives both guessed high 8’s, I realized for the first time… oh man, this must be a big baby 😂 Sure enough, the number kept rising and stopped right at 9.0lbs.😅 I laughed to myself thinking WOW, I just birthed a 9lb baby without medication of any kind… I feel like superwoman! I also thought, wow I’m thankful I didn’t know that in advance – it may have scared me a bit haha! We soon passed out in our own bed of exhaustion once the midwives left, and woke up around 3 hours later. We just looked at one another, baby between us, in awe of everything that had just happened. We were officially parents and had our sweet little boy with us!! God is so good! And this birth was everything I could have dreamed of!
I will say, I can’t exactly relate to “the moment you hold your baby you’ll forget it all!”. I definitely need some time before I’m ready to do that again 😅 But in all seriousness, it was the most beautiful experience and I would do it over and over again for this little boy/ for our family. God is good. Our bodies are incredible. I’m so grateful, and can’t imagine my first labor and birth going any better 🥺💙
ps: I can’t wait to share my postpartum journey with you all! I’ve shared bits and pieces already on instagram right here (saved under postpartum highlight bubble and baby FAQ bubble!) — but once again I’ll be on the hormone healing journey myself, just like when I came off hormonal birth control too — so we’re on this journey together!
Home Birth Story FAQs (asked on instagram!)
- How long was your labor?
- it was just under 12 hours total from the beginning of contractions to birth! (around 5pm-ish to 4:14am)
- What stretches or things did you do to prepare for labor?
- Posterior or anterior cervix? and did it affect things?
- Posterior! And yes! Led to back pain along with the contractions each time.
- What course helped you prepare most?
- I bought PainFreeBirth’s Birth Course – and it was amazing for both me and my hubby!
- She has since given me a discount code for y’all – if you use SARAH10 right here, you can get it for a discount!
- Did you tear?
- I had a slight tear because of his arm coming out with his head — but my midwife said had that not happened I probably would have escaped any tearing even with a 9lb baby! Honestly though, tearing was such a fear going into it, yet not anything bad when it actually happened. And 1 week out from birth, I can say things are healing up so well already down there! Restis key! I barely moved at all the first 48hrs except for going to bathroom and back to bed, and then the first week I didn’t leave the main floor of our home.
- How did you find the strength to keep going when it got tough?
- Lots of prayer and an amazing support team by my side! I also had christian hypnobirthing tracks + worship music playing the whole time to give me something to focus in on when all I wanted to do was focus on the intensity of things.
- How close to your due date were you?
- 40w3d when I went into labor, 40w4d at birth! He had no vernix on him when coming out, so he was welllll ready to come!
- Do you do cervical checks?
- I did end up doing one at 38.5 weeks because of all the “false alarms”, and then post due date too!
- Do you feel all the things you did to prep (see this post) helped?
- I do! I mean I’ll never know for sure, but to dilate that much before labor as a first time mom, and have a labor that wasn’t necessarily short but also not as long as the average FTM… makes me thing it definitely did!
- Top recommendations to prepare for first time moms?
- Definitely educate yourself on the birth process enough to feel empowered (not in the dark on it all) and be able to formulate your own birth plan. BUT hold very loosely to that plan. So much of what I THOUGHT would feel good, just didn’t. And much of what I planned on doing when down the drain when all I wanted to do was focus inward and totally forgot about all the affirmation cards, different essential oils to use, etc. I also planned on a water birth — but just couldn’t progress right in the pool! So had him on land 🙂
- Also watch/read as many positive birth stories! Not because you should believe that’s exactly how yours will go too — but to be reminded with all the negativity out there that you CAN do this and that your body WAS MADE FOR THIS.
- In this post I share all I did physically to prep for labor!
- Did you go #2 when in labor?
- I honestly FELT like I was going to the whole pushing time frame (1.5hrs lol)… but afterwards I even asked my midwife and she said no! So going off of that, I guess not! I was so out of it by the end, I wouldn’t have noticed either way haha.
- Did you do the vitamin K shot or vaccine after birth?
- Nope, we skipped both. We did the vitamin K drops instead that are proven to be just as effective when following the right protocol. (drops linked here)
- What essential oils are musts??
- Going off last question, I had SO many lined up to use. But the only ones I ended up using were: peppermint for nausea towards end, clary sage diffused and on ankles when contractions would slow down to keep things progressing, orthoease massage oil (friend massaged it into my back when things got more intense), and valor for emotional support and grounding. Also peppermint post birth when you’re first trying to go #2 haha. Just put 1 drop in toilet bowl before sitting down — it helps!
- I also made a very diluted roller of frankincense and myrhh to anoint Brady with.
- All products and oils I used linked in this post!
- See all my young living favorites for pregnancy and labor here!
- What happens if something goes wrong in a homebirth?
- My certified nurse midwives have basically everything on them that a nurse would do / they can handle anything outside of what would have to happen in an OR. They bring pitocin, oxygen tanks, other meds, can resuscitate, etc. And we ALWAYS have a good transfer plan in place in case we do need to transfer!
- Did you keep your placenta / encapsulate it?
- I decided not to this time around! If I struggle postpartum this time, maybe I’ll consider it. But as a first time mom I had sooo many other things to do to prep and on my my mind, that I didn’t want to add another when there wasn’t any hard evidence it works. Maybe next time!
- Did you use any medication?
- Nope! Being at home I didn’t use anything during labor. I did have a shot of pitocin after birth as 3rd stage active management to be on the safe side since I lost a little more blood than usual and have a family history of too much blood loss. But that wasn’t like “pain medication” haha, it actually MADE the cramping start back up (aka, the uterus contracting back down which is a good thing!)
- What did you use after birth for cramping and pain?
- I try to stay away from all NSAIDS and pain meds if possible, so I used Afterease Birth Tincture for the cramping that happened after birth and first 2 days anytime I was breastfeeding, and then Arnica Montana homeopathy for pain and swelling. Both were life savers! (both linked in this post!)
- Also ice ice ice (these padsicles) for the first 24-48hrs, and then warm sitz baths after for healing down there. I actually ended up making more padsicles and using them the entire first week because they felt so good!
- How long did hubby take off for? And is he bottle feeding at all or are you the sole provider haha?
- He took a full week off work and my mom also was here the first week! I don’t know how I would have managed without them. They were God-sends. The first 24hrs I felt so out of it that B walked me to the bathroom each time I went.
- Right now I’m the sole provider since we want to avoid any kind of nipple confusion the first few weeks. But eventually we do want to introduce a bottle so they Brady can be used to it in case we need to leave him with someone (and so Brandon can take a shift and help amma sleep!) We’ll probably do that around week 4, especially since baby boy has been latching well and eating lots!
- What’s your method for feeding? Schedule? On demand?
- A mix of both! Will definitely be trying to get him on a schedule starting week 3/4… and I do try to get him to feed around every 2-3 hours now. Especially since I know he’s getting enough with all his diapers and weight gain, so I’m not worried he’s not haha. But also if he has a clean diaper, and is still crying a lot and making signs he’s hungry, I will sometimes do cluster feeding and not wait the 2.5-3hrs.
- Biggest key postpartum for healing??
- REST REST REST. Even if you feel good enough to jump back into things, don’t. Your body just went through a heck of a lot! It needs rest! Think 2-7 days in bed depending how labor went, 2 weeks around home only, and then slowly getting out and about in small trips around town.
- Did you use any newborn clothing?
- He’s outgrowing it SUPER quick as a 9lb baby, and some already don’t fit at 1 week. But some still do! Mostly using 0-3 months though along with some looser newborn outfits!
- Young Living must haves postpartum?
- Favorites for baby (products, nursery, etc!)
- How’s breastfeeding going?
- I will say, it’s a bit overwhelming the first couple days when you’re hanging by a thread yourself in terms of healing, AND also trying to physically figure out something totally new like breastfeeding that is super demanding. And when your milk comes in around day 2-4, another wave of overwhelm because of the discomfort and engorgement comes. BUT after the first few days, thankfully baby boy latched well and eats amazing — so it made it easy on this new momma who didn’t know much! I love both the boppy pillow and the my brestfriend pillow — to help with nursing positions!
- I’ll say — by week 2, it has already started coming a lot more natural!