How to be happy single? How to find fulfillment in or out of a relationship? My fiance Brandon and I chat through that today.

The season of singleness. I was there for 4 years straight out of college, and I can’t say I was always great about being happy in it if I’m honest! I know, they always say to celebrate that season and to use all the extra time and energy you aren’t devoting to a relationship for your own passions and self growth. And I can’t disagree, we should! But boy, I don’t know about you, but it was SO tough for me to ACTUALLY be happy single, even though I know I should be. I wrote about it a lot right here when single. Now that I found my man, got engaged in under 6 months, and am nearing my wedding day, I wanted to chat about this. You know, share both my thoughts and my fiance’s, on not only how to be happy in a relationship, but even more so, how to be happy single!

PS: Brandon sings at the end when I put him on the spot, can’t miss that part! 13:44 for just that part 😉

Here’s the video we created on how to be happy single OR if you’re in a relationship, as we chat through BOTH sides from our experiences, and how to find true fulfillment in the things that matter no matter what your relationship status is <3. If you’re out there and wondering, IS HE ACTUALLY OUT THERE?! The answer is yes yes yes!! There is a man that will be so amazing for you, and even though I know it can be SO hard not to settle for something less than you know deep down you deserve (I almost did MANY times), I want to encourage you to wait it out sista!

And if you’re in a relationship like I recently found myself in for the first time in a long time, you KNOW that even though it is so incredibly exciting, you can’t find your true fulfillment in him or your relationship. That will always fail us! And even in my short dating and engagement phase, there’s a lot I’ve learned about being happy single or truly fulfilled IN a relationship. So I hope this video help all you friends out there, whether single or with a man! (Click here if you want to watch it over on youtube!)

How to be Happy Single

The Reality of Singleness

For those of you not into the video thing, I wanted to give you the spark notes right here!

Being happy single. Let’s be honest, even with the best intentions to be, it’s SO hard. If you have followed me for any given time, you know I’ve written about singleness here before when I was struggling myself (see right here). I also posted about it right here on instagram awhile back (literally 2 months before meeting my now fiance, how crazy?!). Because can you agree with this next statement? You are constantly being made to feel like you are LACKING when you are single. Whether intentionally or not, I had people all the time make comments about my singleness.

Mom on a trip home from grad school: “Sooo, have you found anyone yet?!”

Friend: “Ahhh we need to set you up with someone!!”

Grandma: “Have ya found that special somebody yet Sarah Grace??”

The list goes on…

And even though most have the best intentions, it makes us feel like we’re lacking something. That until we find HIM, we are incomplete on our own. And sure, we all can’t wait to find that person. But can I let you in on a little secret? If you aren’t truly fulfilled and happy on your own, no man will be able to hold up to your standards of being the one that offers that all for you.

The “Solution” to be Happy Single

Work on YOU. We have to learn to love ourselves, before we can ask someone else to. For me, there was a lot of things I had to work on and through before being ready for my now fiance. You hear about working on being a proverbs 21 woman, but it is so true and important! Not only did I need time for God to work on MY heart and shape me more into the woman that I needed to be, but I had to go through some incredible hard seasons that I learned so much from. Seasons I never thought I’d go through. Through having some married friends, watching my sis and brother in law, and just reading up on self improvement books, I really grew so much in the 4 years of being single post-college.

Work on running after your passions and purpose.Love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely. This was another huge help for me! Instead of constantly scoping out every room I walked into for my future husband because of being lonely, I started working on loving me and filling my life. When I got SO excited about my own passions, like building my business online, connecting with like-minded women, and being super present in my church and other places locally, I really did forget about being so obsessed about finding someone!

Investing time in OTHER things. What passions, friends, family, career, hobbies.. can you be investing time into during this season of singleness that you won’t have the time for when you’re in a serious relationship??

Action Steps:

Because I’m a practical gal and not just wanting to give you good soundbytes!

What can you get involved with that will help you FORGET (or at least decrease the amount of time you think about) finding that right person??
How can you work on YOU and be running towards Jesus and those passions of yours, so that only when someone can keep up, will you give them a shot?
What girlfriends can you start hanging out with again to really focus on that good ole gal time that you won’t get near as much time doing when in a relationship/married?!

How to be Happy in a Relationship

Brandon and I talk through this one in the video above too, because we’ve learned a lot in the last year of dating/engagement! I’ll give the bullet point notes of what B and I talked about in the video right here 🙂

It takes a healthy me, to create a healthy we. Don’t come into the relationship empty, hoping to be filled by the other person — this WILL set you up for failure. No human on earth will be able to hold up to those standards. We are all human and are bound to let each other down from time to time, we’re imperfect! That is why in the season of singleness, it is so key to find true happiness and fulfillment before entering a relationship. Don’t come to the relationship with an empty cup waiting to be filled. Come to the relationship full, and let his love and care make your cup overflow!
Expectations — be careful of what expectations you are bringing into the relationship, and continue to add from in that head! Especially us women, whether it’s from social media highlight reels we see everyday, movies, or other things, too often we aren’t happy NOT because of what is actually going on, but because reality failed to match our expectations in our heads. Let’s work together gals to knock down those unrealistic expectations!
Meeting in the middle: Brandon and I have a lot of similarities where it really matters, but in other areas, we are seriously POLAR OPPOSITES. It’s been a struggle for us at times as we learn more and more about each other, but what has really helped us, is to learn to meet in the middle often. I had to realize that as two different humans, with two different backgrounds, and two totally different experiences, we are bound to have differences! It’s all about having an open line of communication even when it’s tough and probably easier to stay quiet (NOT sweeping things under the rug), and come to a solution in the middle!
Be open! Going off the last one, it’s so key to be open-minded when coming into a relationship. Things will NOT be exactly how you pictured them, in some really amazing ways and not so great ways. But staying open-minded (except for the deep things that MUST align, like for me that was my faith and life mission), is really key in being able to meet in the middle on things and find solutions that allow both to feel like they are able to have some say in the relationship. It can’t be one-sided! Even though of women probably love to dream that way sometimes 😛

MOST IMPORTANTLY, ABOVE ALL:

Finding true happiness and fulfillment OUTSIDE of another person is so so SO key friends. Having true self-love, finding fulfillment in something deeper than a man or ourselves, will always be the best piece of advice I can give on this. It doesn’t make it easier, I know! But, I’m telling you… whether you’re in a relationship or single, finding your passions and true purpose here on earth, and chasing it with all your heart, will always lead to true happiness and fulfillment!

HOW TO BE HAPPY Single or in a Relationship!